Candor tempts me to write, "Did you miss me?" But doing so would be my unbecoming. This quiet little corner never meant to catch your attention. The blog exists simply because of the author's need to scribble words.
Nothing more, nothing less.
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. But I doubt if this feeling is shared between you and me, or I and the Souljacker. As far as my memory goes, this slow push towards the headwaters has been going since the first month. I have been emancipated last May: I have lived through the days without ever gazing my sights into the blogs.
So why return Mugen? Is it because of the old adage that goes something like "once a blogger, always a blogger?" Is it because old habits never die? Or is it because like how the world goes, stories never end?
Whatever the answer, the undeniable thump of this organ within my chest tells that I'm still in love with words. That I cannot go on without embracing this gift that brought me here in the first place. I maybe floating in placid waters, but I still owe to the great beyond the narratives of today.
I may have been enchanted by my simulated life in Sims 3; allured by having a new machine lying in my study table; and been blessed by Bentusi's timely writing projects. Yet I still hear the call of Souljacker in passing whispers. I may have gone through the horrors of being skinned alive by the Patroness; or painfully swallow in one gulp the cash assistance offered by the Favorite Aunt when we could not afford my mom's medicines; or spoke with the sister of my dream of letting Lenin study in our childhood school.
And these were kept muffled when I ignored my need to write.
I may have "adopted" Baabaa when his family went south, and felt for the first time in ages how to share spaces and thrive with another guy; or even trade tales with bloggers over bottles of Tanduay Ice; or even played tansuan with the girls and twinks when my straight college tropa invited me to his house party. But my soft spot remains - no matter how silence and distraction had suppressed my will to write my life.
Ignore the fanfare and consider this as a reintroduction. Once and for all, I've accepted: Souljacker is here to stay.
But what if I'm a mermaid?
In these jeans of his with her name still on it
Hey, but I don't care
'Cause sometimes
I said sometimes I hear my voice
And it's been here
Tori Amos
Silent All These Years