Noong katrabaho ko pa si Jerjer (Dear Daniel Fierce) ay minsan kaming nagkaroon ng bonding moment sa office. Sa bonding na yun ay napagkuwentuhan ang maaring maging buhay namin pagtanda. Sabi ni Jerjer na gusto niyang maging diva, na sinang-ayunan ko naman. Deep down ay fab naman ang lahat ng straight-acting.
Kunwari lang ang barakong pagpapanggap.
Anyway, sabi namin, magsusuot kami ng pashmina at bubuyog glasses sa tuwing rarampa. Kapag nag-touch down ang mala-Gloria Romerong kagandahan namin sa Malate, dapat merong entourage. Siyempre, senior gay citizens na kami at dapat lang magbigay galang ang mga little girls. Of course, dapat sightseeing lang kami at puro pintas sa mga nagmamaganda. When you grow old, you realize that being vintage allows you to hold sway over the masses.
Speaking of entourage, hindi na bale na small time lang ang mga nakapaligid sa amin. Bawal ang straight acting, at mas lalong bawal ang mga cute na gym fit. I for one don't want to be branded as a sugar daddy. Gusto namin, puro parlorista ang nakapalibot, the more effeminate, the better. When you grow old, gusto mong gawing simple na lang ang buhay. Laughtrip buong araw at magdamag.
Sa bahay kung saan kami titira, bawal rin ang lalaki. Strictly prohibited ang magdala ng booking dahil malas ito sa familia. Bukod kasi sa magiging distraction, baka maging dahilan pa ng ahasan. Better yet, dapat mag-invite rin kami ng mga fag hags, babaita man ay at least may tiga-check sa kalandian ng mga bakla.
Sabi ni jerjer, dapat ay naka-French Maid outfit ang aming mga attendant na bading. Gusto pa niya na kapag tatanga-tanga ang yaya ay may sampalan, kurutan at sabunutang magaganap. Parang Mara Clara lang. Sabi ko na kapag summer naman ay dapat naka two-piece at pekpek shorts ang mga yaya. Kahit kasing taba ni dabyana ang katawan ng baklita, okay lang, proud naman.
We will devote our remaining time doing wholesome pursuits. Gusto ko talaga mag gardening at mag-alaga ng maraming pusa. Si Jerjer naman, bilang artist ay magpa-paint at magpa-paint lang sa spare time niya. Siguro pati cross-stitching at dress making ay papatusin namin. Kapag may extrang pera at hindi naman kailangan mag calci-black araw-araw, part of our money will go to scholarship. I have a soft spot dun sa mga nasa Grade School pa lang ay alam na bading sila. Gaya na lang nung pamangkin ni Johnny Cursive na si Baby Gaga.
Natatandaan ko na agree rin si Jerjer na hindi kami mag-aahon sa hirap ng mga mala-adonis na lalaki. Trabaho iyon ng mga mas nakababata sa amin at way beyond na kami sa pag-aaruga at pagmamahal ng mga hombre. Gusto ko sana sabihin na it's time to take care of our kind, so mag-aampon ako ng mga talented na badesa.
Speaking of home, dapat may isang room na devoted lang sa mga gay icons noong panahon namin. Hindi mawawala ang adoration chapel para kay Celia Rodriguez at pati na rin kay Lady Gaga at Madonna. Lahat ng rooms ay either pastel pink o kaya naman lavender ang wall paint. Puwede rin baby blue or sunshiny orange para cute sa mata.
By that time, there is no need to be straight acting. The society would be much kinder, and in fact, people in power might be out gay themselves. Besides, nagpapa-kalalaki ka lang naman para mapansin ng kapwa bading o kaya ay para magtago sa closet. But when you're sixty at wala ka pang asawa, obvious naman na you spent the rest of your life searching for Brando.
These were our thoughts when contemplating about old age. Iba-ibang variations (siyempre iba ang idea nina Papa Pilyo ng pagtanda. Nung huling beses kaming nagpunta ni Fox sa Recto nung wala pa si Baabaa ay magprapractice sana kami mag-cruising sa mga bukbuking sinehan doon.)
But the home, the life-long friends, and hopefully, lifetime partner are present when retirement comes to mind. May ilan mag-aalaga ng pamangkin, ang iba, sasali sa advocacy.
Because much as we obsess with staying young forever, it would never be. The least we could pray is that we will never be alone, and that, the younger ones we took care of when they were still confused would now look after us.
Migs of Manila Gay Guy sent an invitation a few weeks ago. I know it was open to his readers and bloggers alike. The invitation was about their planned visit at the Home for the Golden Gays in Pasay on January 2. Since wala rin naman akong gagawin ng Sunday, I told them I will join.
My shared visions with Jerjer were just products of our twisted imagination, but when reality hits you, (like when back pains keep you from dancing like you used to on the dance floor, or when a date ditches you because 'you're too old for him') you feel the drag of aging coming.
I don't know what to expect at the retirement home visit. But if the serene outlook of souljacker would give a hint, maybe, trying to look beyond is not a bad thing. With a year to go before celebrating my third decade, a thriving love life, a career in limbo, and sets of friends I wish to keep for life,
Now is the time.
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| Marilyn Monroe Jr. Malate White Party 2007 (Siyempre hindi ako yan!) |
Who knows, maybe its not too late to grow old gracefully.
*Allende sp. n. means "over there", "on the other side", or "beyond".