"Hey, what time do you work out in Eclipse? I'm eyeing for a buddy, if you don't mind."
It was a private message I received the other night. As part of the gym's aspiration to become more gay-friendly, I returned to Pinoyexchange AP Work Out Thread to help the forum posters there with their training concerns. My presence also aims to connect the gay people who are members of the gym.
Like the head coach, who is also the moderator of another forum, I try to project a stern, straight-as-a-ruler image. I engage only in no-nonesense talk. I urge people to work out, (better if its in our gym) and as far as I remember, I have never entertained the idea of meeting other people.
Not even when its about showing around the gym.
So imagine how I was caught off-guard when a user named 7incher_hunkTop sent me the private message. I won't sugarcoat my thoughts and just like everyone else, I'd be curious as to what he looks like. The way he writes, he seem self-assured, masculine, and a no-nonesense talker too, and I know some gays would bitch slap each other just to switch places with me.
I was on the defense so I replied:
"Erratic schedule ko pre eh. What time do you work out, baka puwede kita i-reto sa kasabayan mo."
I was serious in finding him a gym partner. Maybe I could introduce him to Smellycat and his beefcake boyfriend who are more capable and knowledgeable with free-weights. Perhaps @ossiepeaker who is a hunk himself (based from his DP) could become my proxy. Being single, and having the same bed preference, their arrangement would be less awkward.
Anyone, actually, but not me.
I do not know where this aversion comes from. Surely its not about personal policies anymore, or the polarities we have. I do not know even if I am being threatened by mere assumptions, or am I reinforcing my walls because instincts tell to keep some distance from someone who blatantly advertises the length of his manhood.
There is no doubt he approached me in good faith. But I guess, the fault lies with me: I am still a long way to go before I could finally make peace with my past .
And even though I've learned that we share a common timeline, ignoring his invitation would be the best course of action:
"I go there midnights. What time do you usually hit Eclipse?"
I know a couple of good-looking buff guys who work out at around midnight. Acknowledging my own frailty, I will keep struggling to hold back my expanding frame, and just sense the boy in the distance.