"Anak pautang na lang ulit ng 1K. May 500 pa ako. Withdraw na lang ulit ako bukas."
Walang matinong anak - sa kaso ko - na panganay ang magsasabi lang ng "ok" kapag nanghiram ng salapi ang magulang. Sa edad na 30, dapat ay kalahati ng mga gastusin sa bahay ay sinasalo ko na. Ngunit sa liit ng aking take-home pay, tanging ang cable TV at broadband Internet lang ang binabayaran ko. Kasama na dun ang paminsan-minsan contribution para sa gamot ng aking ina.
A thousand pesos is just small in comparison to the money I sometimes spend on a date. But with my savings dwindling, I have to get back all the money I lent to people. That includes four thousand pesos from my mom.
Kasi in the long run, that dwindling savings is what's keeping us afloat. It guarantees that a bail out won't be happening soon.
And when I look at myself, at how my luckluster career is going, I know deep down that I deserve to be in a better place. Alam mo yun, kaya kong kumita ng enough so that my mom won't have to return the money to me.
But when the director at work admits, "Mabuti at nandyan ka. Hindi ko kayang patakbuhin ito mag-isa." Something tells me to stay put. Not because I have found my comfort zone or I enjoy being the paramount of a workplace-in-limbo.
But because I am called.
I just hope the director keeps his word. That after the dust settles, and by some brilliant thinking we find ourselves in a much better position, I do hope these sacrifices would be worth it.
For it hurts seeing myself this way. And the worse part is, I am still waiting how this decision to stay at work will wound itself in the end.