A conversation.
| 5. Mugen 23. Nov. 2012 - 04:08 |
| 6. X 23. Nov. 2012 - 04:11 we're friends. do you know him? |
| 7. Mugen 23. Nov. 2012 - 04:13 yeah, I owe him an apology. |
| 8. X 23. Nov. 2012 - 04:14 what for? |
| 9. Mugen 23. Nov. 2012 - 04:15 For suddenly stopped texting. |
| 10. X 23. Nov. 2012 - 04:19 why? |
| 11. Mugen 23. Nov. 2012 - 04:21 He got too close. |
| 12. X 23. Nov. 2012 - 04:22 too close to what? am i to ask you bit by bit about this? |
| 13. Mugen 23. Nov. 2012 - 04:24 fine with me, my worry is I am distracting you. You're looking for hook-ups, I'm just here to watch. :) |
| 14. X 23. Nov. 2012 - 04:29 (laughs) maybe it's best that you stopped contacting him. that guy deserves someone better. you're a kid in a grown-up's body man. grow up |
| 15. Mugen 23. Nov. 2012 - 04:32 That's what I'm telling you. I stopped contacting him without telling my reason. He deserves a little honesty dude and since you're his friend, somehow the message will trickle back to him. |
| 16. Mugen 23. Nov. 2012 - 04:35 I'm logging out. Thanks for listening Ricardo. |
| 17. X 23. Nov. 2012 - 04:36 so you made a fool out of him. that's just great man. tell you what, only a few genuine guys here exist. we are rare. =) you had your chance, and karma is a real bitch you know |
| 18. X 23. Nov. 2012 - 04:39 not talking to you again man. blocked. |
Ricardo got me there. Yes, for making a fool out of someone, and for acting like a kid by doing a disappearing act when his friend began texting random stuff - things I don't even care like his whereabouts or the meals he had eaten.
But more than getting too close for comfort and the emotional hang ups, there are three reasons I decided to make haste and drop the boy. First is because I'm already going out with someone, second is because I can't recognize a friend who looks down on men who act and think less masculine than him and third is because I've never been truthful from the very start.
He was looking for a discreet and straight-acting confidant. And while I can appear more butch than him. I no longer consider myself a resident of the closet. Remembering what he told me about his online pal he "nearly punched" during a meet up for being a faker, I wonder what would my fate be had he known I hug trannies and cross-dressers in gay clubs.
I wasn't able to defend myself, or relay my apologies to the boy. I don't even know how Ricardo could make sweeping judgments when he hardly listened to what I was trying to say.
Deserved or not, there is no doubt that I would be seen in different prism as I continue to stumble between companionship and intimacy. This is just the opening salvo to a saga that has happened long before this journal has been conceived. I would never know how my story book will be read tomorrow - or who I'd end up next. But just to set things straight and bring peace to someone. I'd give the discreet boy some answers and explain my sudden disappearance.
Before I lift off for my journey to outer space.
At the very least he should know:
I maybe manly and all, but deep down, I'm already proud at heart.