Dear HavokSS,
I may come up with scores of excuses for your revival. I was bored, lonely and this difficulty in accepting what I have been reduced to drove me to crash again on the same planet. I wanted to know how I will measure against other men, and see where this searching will lead me. A good lay, I thought, will turn everything okay. Sex heals, and makes people feel better about themselves.
I could have easily followed the same game play. Upload pictures showing liberal exposures of the flesh. Write kinky teasers to call the attention of resident predators. And seal the deal by picking playmates close to my launch pad.
The planet never runs out of horny men. Sooner or later, I would know that violent impalement.
And the invitations did trickle in - without me writing the kinky teasers, or even telling a guy that I am courting the idea of sex. I stalled, made excuses, fapped myself to cloud nine as I find the live exercise an utter waste of energy.
Strange isn't?
It's been a month since I put up the account. But often, I ask the reason for logging in. If I didn't go online for hook-ups, does it mean I am exploring the possibilities of dating? Nah. I've hardly spoken to anyone, especially after the Collateral Damage made me realize the pains of abandonment. I tried having sensible conversations with a few, but I ended up logging out without even sharing my digits to an acquaintance.
As for hook-ups, have you ever get that feeling of going into a battle and leaving more defeated, instead of basking in lustful glow? Pardon for bringing up some forgotten anecdotes, but I do know someone who's an expert in hit and run. Remember how he deleted those phone numbers, and vowed never to speak to those guys again? Harsh, but that's how he had coped. But there's a catch to such quickies. It distorts one's measure of people. It makes the player anxious for days - if not weeks as he evaluates the possible fall out from each strike. And its exhausting, no matter how rare you find yourself launching an attack.
I no longer wish to be in that state.
And so, we made a decision.
As we ready to be hurled back to outer space, our stay in Planet Romeo did yield not a single eyeball, or a naughty distraction. Sure there were plans, and had there anyone close enough, persistent enough, and tease enough to keep us hooked, maybe I would have capitulated. And with it, we will have to say bye-bye to all the great legacies the past union had brought us.
I do not know the conclusion of this singlehood. Would I end up remaining detached and broken for years? Or would I put my faith to someone and become his reliable wing man? If there is a sliver of light to this interlude - aside from bringing TechHarry to the manifold - I guess you are not as rebellious as you once were. And despite the not-so-close encounters, the use of "pain relievers" and after having to meet again the demon that you have always been,
Deep down we know, we have given hope another shot.