Triptych | Ciclo




I was already out of the office when I decided to stop by a sari-sari store to buy a stick of Marlboro. Next to the store was a red iron gate. Below the gate sat a mongrel quietly watching the world around it.

At first glance, the dog seemed to be part of the household. One might say that it got stuck out of the house and was waiting for its owner to let it in. The store attendant handed me a stick of Lights, and while waiting for her to return with a match stick, the dog stood up and walked past behind me.

I thought the mutt was about to walk away, but it turned back to return and lie next to the red iron gate again. I caught glimpse of its underbelly, which was sagging and full of dirt. Its stick-like legs gave an impression that it hadn’t eaten for days.

It would have been easy to shrug everything. After all, it’s just a fucking dog. I don’t even like dogs. But the thought that it had no owner, no place to call home and with its scrawny brow tail with trails of slick curving upwards, somehow reminded me that we have a pet companion at home. She has been with us for quite some time and despite my soft spot for the feline kind, the dog, Tootsie, even went as far as nurse the stray kittens I once adopted to gain favors.

I don’t know if it’s the spirit of the season but the sight of the mongrel in front of me made me think, deeply.

I’ve been known to give up some personal comforts for others simply because my heart said so. I may not find the reasons behind such urgings, but it felt good doing those deeds. Then I remember early last year, part of my bucket list was to “listen” and “discern” what the "self" thinks. Judgment fails from time to time, but I do get my occasional highs.

Then I made my decision.

“Miss magkano yung longganisa?”

“Kinse ïsang piraso.”

Searching my pockets, I found several coins and a twenty peso bill. The money was enough for an FX ride home.

The coming of Bentusi has allowed me to live an opulent existence lately. Though I have to work hard for every article I submit, the blessings cannot be denied.

And so I bought the piece of sausage and stood in front of the dog. The mutt, with its sharp sense of smell had caught whiff of the piece of meat dangling in front of it.

Shaking the plastic bag, the askal positioned itself in anticipation for the manna.

“As they say, you have to pass it forward.” The slab of meat dropped and the dog engorged it immediately.

Without even waiting for the mutt to finish the sausage, I left the spot with the low, wintry sun setting in the distance, satisfied that despite the wars I fought this year, I end up listening more and more to my ancient, compassionate “self”


This will be my final blog entry for 2010. Happy New Year everyone!


Triptych - A triptych (pronounced /ˈtrɪptɪk/ TRIP-tik, from the Greek τρίπτυχο, from tri- "three" + ptychē "fold") is a work of art (usually a panel painting) which is divided into three sections, or three carved panels which are hinged together and folded.

Ciclo - sp. Cycle



Triptych | Allende





Noong katrabaho ko pa si Jerjer (Dear Daniel Fierce) ay minsan kaming nagkaroon ng bonding moment sa office. Sa bonding na yun ay napagkuwentuhan ang maaring maging buhay namin pagtanda. Sabi ni Jerjer na gusto niyang maging diva, na sinang-ayunan ko naman. Deep down ay fab naman ang lahat ng straight-acting.

Kunwari lang ang barakong pagpapanggap.

Anyway, sabi namin, magsusuot kami ng pashmina at bubuyog glasses sa tuwing rarampa. Kapag nag-touch down ang mala-Gloria Romerong kagandahan namin sa Malate, dapat merong entourage. Siyempre, senior gay citizens na kami at dapat lang magbigay galang ang mga little girls. Of course, dapat sightseeing lang kami at puro pintas sa mga nagmamaganda. When you grow old, you realize that being vintage allows you to hold sway over the masses.

Speaking of entourage, hindi na bale na small time lang ang mga nakapaligid sa amin. Bawal ang straight acting, at mas lalong bawal ang mga cute na gym fit. I for one don't want to be branded as a sugar daddy. Gusto namin, puro parlorista ang nakapalibot, the more effeminate, the better. When you grow old, gusto mong gawing simple na lang ang buhay. Laughtrip buong araw at magdamag.

Sa bahay kung saan kami titira, bawal rin ang lalaki. Strictly prohibited ang magdala ng booking dahil malas ito sa familia. Bukod kasi sa magiging distraction, baka maging dahilan pa ng ahasan. Better yet, dapat mag-invite rin kami ng mga fag hags, babaita man ay at least may tiga-check sa kalandian ng mga bakla.

Sabi ni jerjer, dapat ay naka-French Maid outfit ang aming mga attendant na bading. Gusto pa niya na kapag tatanga-tanga ang yaya ay may sampalan, kurutan at sabunutang magaganap. Parang Mara Clara lang. Sabi ko na kapag summer naman ay dapat naka two-piece at pekpek shorts ang mga yaya. Kahit kasing taba ni dabyana ang katawan ng baklita, okay lang, proud naman.

We will devote our remaining time doing wholesome pursuits. Gusto ko talaga mag gardening at mag-alaga ng maraming pusa. Si Jerjer naman, bilang artist ay magpa-paint at magpa-paint lang sa spare time niya. Siguro pati cross-stitching at dress making ay papatusin namin. Kapag may extrang pera at hindi naman kailangan mag calci-black araw-araw, part of our money will go to scholarship. I have a soft spot dun sa mga nasa Grade School pa lang ay alam na bading sila. Gaya na lang nung pamangkin ni Johnny Cursive na si Baby Gaga.

Natatandaan ko na agree rin si Jerjer na hindi kami mag-aahon sa hirap ng mga mala-adonis na lalaki. Trabaho iyon ng mga mas nakababata sa amin at way beyond na kami sa pag-aaruga at pagmamahal ng mga hombre. Gusto ko sana sabihin na it's time to take care of our kind, so mag-aampon ako ng mga talented na badesa.

Speaking of  home, dapat may isang room na devoted lang sa mga gay icons noong panahon namin. Hindi mawawala ang adoration chapel para kay Celia Rodriguez at pati na rin kay Lady Gaga at Madonna. Lahat ng rooms ay either pastel pink o kaya naman lavender ang wall paint. Puwede rin baby blue or sunshiny orange para cute sa mata.

By that time, there is no need to be straight acting. The society would be much kinder, and in fact, people in power might be out gay themselves. Besides, nagpapa-kalalaki ka lang naman para mapansin ng kapwa bading o kaya ay para magtago sa closet.  But when you're sixty at wala ka pang asawa, obvious naman na you spent the rest of your life searching for Brando.

These were our thoughts when contemplating about old age. Iba-ibang variations (siyempre iba ang idea nina Papa Pilyo ng pagtanda. Nung huling beses kaming nagpunta ni Fox sa Recto nung wala pa si Baabaa ay magprapractice sana kami mag-cruising sa mga bukbuking sinehan doon.)

But the home, the life-long friends, and hopefully, lifetime partner are present when retirement comes to mind. May ilan mag-aalaga ng pamangkin, ang iba, sasali sa advocacy.

Because much as we obsess with staying young forever, it would never be. The least we could pray is that we will never be alone, and that, the younger ones we took care of when they were still confused would now look after us.

Migs of Manila Gay Guy sent an invitation a few weeks ago. I know it was open to his readers and bloggers alike. The invitation was about their planned visit at the Home for the Golden Gays in Pasay on January 2. Since wala rin naman akong gagawin ng Sunday, I told them I will join.

My shared visions with Jerjer were just products of our twisted imagination, but when reality hits you, (like when back pains keep you from dancing like you used to on the dance floor, or when a date ditches you because 'you're too old for him') you feel the drag of aging coming.

I don't know what to expect at the retirement home visit.  But if the serene outlook of souljacker would give a hint, maybe, trying to look beyond is not a bad thing. With a year to go before celebrating my third decade, a thriving love life, a career in limbo, and sets of friends I wish to keep for life,

Now is the time.



Marilyn Monroe Jr.  Malate White Party 2007 (Siyempre hindi ako yan!)



Who knows, maybe its not too late to grow old gracefully.



*Allende sp. n. means "over there", "on the other side", or "beyond".


Triptych | Lacuna











"Write as sharp as the pen, live as clean as the page," the note says. 

As we slowly remove the ribbon and gently unfold the creases of the parchment, your gift will be revealed. More than the present; this material expression of  friendship, we ought recognize your sublime presence in times of grief.  We remember how we were introduced to you by E.  To paraphrase what he said "he took your side when everyone else was turning against you." We remember, because all throughout these years, we fought your battles, or at least shielded you when someone seemed to do you harm. In exchange, you were there in our lowest, you were our confidant long before peace was finally sealed along these shores.

And as we close the year, we look back at all the kind things you did. People may never appreciate or  realize how you mean so much,

but we do.

Thank you, and cheers to our friendship!


/me borrowing technique. scotch tapes will be out next year
/me will try to write in many styles and forms
/me will strengthen our allegiance with la roja.



*Lacuna - n. a gap or space, esp in a book or manuscript


Life: The New Leaf












































I invariably seem unable to maintain the enthusiasm of keeping or following through with my New Year's resolutions. I doubt that this year will be any different. Of course there are the responsibilities and objectives that comprise my to-do-lists as well as the goals that occupy my thoughts and govern my actions, but for this year's resolution's I shall focus on the less obvious ways to better myself.

1. First I must learn to drive. It's true, I seldom drive a car and of the times that i am privileged enough to sit in the drivers seat; there is always a passenger - who's sole purpose is to make sure that I do not somehow wreck the car while practicing in an empty parking lot.

2. I'd like to hop on and off a few planes. Of course I'd like to visit Venice, Paris, Milan, and Shanghai but my current enthusiasm is for destinations a little closer to home. Places such as Miami, Vegas, NYC, Chicago, San Francisco, etc.

3. I'd like to write more. By no means am I a writer, but I do enjoy reading so I cannot allow myself to limit Newcomer followers to visual stimulation alone.

4. I find it enjoyable to make more of my own clothes, so why not do it more often. I rarely buy new clothes, not because I am unsatisfied with current styles but because (with the exception of thrift shopping) every time that I see something that I must have, I convince myself that it is not worth buying. You see, I am able to make it myself and I may even decide to customize it to fit my taste exactly. The problem is that I seldom seem to have the time to design, redesign, or copy a garment for myself. I suppose, this resolution should be to allow myself the time to make my own clothes. 

Have a great and fulfilling new year. Also please remember to answer the question on my previous post, it would really mean a lot to me to have your reactions.

OPINION: What a Niche?




It has become increasingly apparent to me that in order to subsist among those companies that both I myself respect, and that my dream customer is bound to become brand loyal to, I must start now to learn how to provide exceptional customer service and impeccable quality.

I must first realize what is perceived as good and acceptable to my niche demographic in order to go above and beyond it. I've menioned before that I have been working on revising my business plan, lackadaisically so. A daunting task yet beneficial to my success, I know. While working on the marketing portion of the plan I've come to the realization that I have not done nearly as much research as may be needed. Thus, I have decided to further examine the A.J.P. brand's target market much more closely. I have also decided to ask for your help. If you are at all interested in the clothes that I design and can easily see yourself wearing pieces from the collections, please do me this favor. I have composed a list of questions and would appreciated your honest answers. I can not began to express my gratitude to anyone who thinks my cause worthy enough to invest their energy and time into a reply to my request. You may send me an email with answers to azede@azedejean-pierre.com.

  1. Please provide the following: your age, gender, marital status, relationship status (if unmarried), family size (if married), occupation, highest level of education attained, religion, ethnicity, & region.
  2. Annual income bracket [a: $15,000 - $24,999] [b: $25,000 - $49,999] [c: $50,000 - $74,999] [d: $75,000 - $99,000] [e: $100,000 - $149,999] [f: $150,000 - $199,999] [g: $200,000 and up]
  3. Do you use social networking sites? If so, which sites do you frequent the most? examples: Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, Tumblr, Blogger, Blog Lovin, Flicker, YouTube, Chictopia, etc.
  4. Are you a Republican, Democrat or other?
  5. Where would you most like to live and work, if you are not already residing there? 
  6. Brand you frequently purchase for yourself, brand you splurge on & brands you wish you could afford?
  7. Do you try on clothing before you make a purchase?
  8. Do you enjoy shopping with a friend or do you prefer to shop alone?
  9. Do you follow trends?
  10. Are you one of the most attractive people you know?
  11. Rate your physical beauty from one to ten.
  12. If you had a choice whould you rather be rich or famous?
  13. How often do you make a purchase after seeing an item on display for the first time?
  14. Do you learn better with visual imagery or written words?
  15. Where do you do most of your apparel shopping (and why)?
  16. Do you shop online?
  17. What brands do you identify quality with (and why)?

As thanks for your time and honest reply, I plan to give these Versace sunglasses away in a drawing including the name of persons who replied to my questions.

Alvin_Fairview





Natural na sa paglalakbay ng isang grupo ay may nawawala at kusang nalalaglag. May mga miyembrong salungat ang pag-iisip sa iisang diwa ng barkada kaya't sila ay naiiwan, at sa bandang huli ay nakakalimutan. May mga kumakapit, at sa kabila ng hindi pagiging talagang dikit ay patuloy na nakikisama. Kanya-kanyang diskarte sa iisang bangka, ang mahalaga ay buo at matatag ang haligi ng tropa.

Muli ay nais kong balikan ang nakaraan at silipin ang simula ng Engkantadiya. Ito ay para sa mga miyembrong sinadyang magpalaglag sa kabila ng pintuang nakapinid at madali sanang pasukan. Sa mga pagkakataong sumasagi sa isip ang mga taong bumitaw at nabitawan ay hindi ko maiwasan ang mapaisip: marahil ay sadyang nagkakakilala ang mga taong tinakda sa bawat isa.

Gaya na lang ng alamat ni Alvin_Fairview na hanggang ngayon ay usap-usapan pa rin sa tagayan. Sa mga kutong lupa at bagong mga miyembro, si Alvin_Fairview ang isa sa pinakaunang pangalang lumutang nang si Papa Tagay, Papa Markh, Papa Pilyo at Bloigg ay mga online profiles pa lang. Kung gaano kapilyo at kaharot ang mga binata sa blog ngayon ay masasabing doble pa noon. Sila ang mga powerhouse sa thread ng Walang Mukha. Kasama si Binata at BloodCherry, riot kapag nagpapang-abot ang mga ito.

Ayon sa kuwento, dumating ang panahon na nagsawa ang mga binata sa kakaharot sa isa't isa. Sa wakas ay natapos rin ang mga nakakatigas-burat na pagpapalitan ng  mga post sa  thread. Limot na sa ala-ala kung sino ang talagang nagtawag ng eyeball. Ang alam ko lang, naroon at nagpakita si Papa Tagay, Alvin_Fairview at si Bloigg. Bali-balitang nag-threesome daw ang tatlo, pero lumabas rin ang tunay na kuwento. Friendly eyeball at tumambay lang sa mall ang nangyari.

Ang pagkikita ay nabahiran rin ng intriga. Isa sa mga dumalo ang nagpost ng picture sa thread na kasama pati ang mukha. Nagwala ang mga discreet dahil bigla silang na-out sa G4M. Sa tulong ni Papa Markh na anonymous pa noon ay nalubog rin ang post.

Masasabing trahedya man ang unang eyeball pero hindi ito naging hadlang upang i-meet si Alvin_Fairview. Pareho kaming walang magawa isang hapon kaya't nagkasundo kaming magkita sa Trinoma. Lakad rito, lakad roon, naging wholesome ang eyeball. Marami ring naikuwento ang binata, karamihan ay limot ko na.

Naikuwento niya na matagal na siyang walang trabaho. Taong bahay siya at bukod sa tigahatid at tigasundo ng mga pamangkin sa school ay babad sa internet. Maputi ang binata, mga 5'6 ang tangkad at may kapayatan. Unlike Papa Tagay at si PGR na talagang lantaran kung magpakita ng  putotoy at katawan, masasabing dinala ng confidence ang online impression ko sa aking ka-meet. Iba pala siya sa personal at kahit ganun ang nangyari ay hindi ako nakaramdam ng disappointment.

At least, nakita ko ang isa sa mga powerhouse ng Walang Mukha.

Dumaan ang ilang linggo at nakatagpo ko rin ang Pinuno. Nasabi niya ang mga kuwentong piniling hindi ibahagi sa akin ni Alvin_Fairview. Sabi niya na nahulog pala ang loob ng binata sa isa sa kanyang mga naka-eyeball. Kaya pala bigla-biglang naging wholesome ito sa thread. Sa kasamaang palad ay hindi siya trip ng ka-eyeball kaya basted ang binata. Nang magkita-kita ang original five sa Araneta isang buwan matapos ang eyeball namin ni Fox, ganito daw ang naging eksena:


Unang dumating sina Papa Markh, Papa Tagay at si Papa Pilyo. Hagikgikan ang tatlo habang si Alvin_Fairview ay nakatayo sa isang sulok.

Nakasimangot.

"Uy kamusta! At last nakita rin kita" Bati ng Diyosa sa kanyang pagdating.

"Kanina pa kita iniintay. Aalis na rin ako kasi OP na ako dito." Sabay walk out ng binata.



Hindi ko na naabutan si Alvin_Fairview. Wala na rin kaming narinig sa kanya hanggang sa lumago ng lumago na lang ang grupo.

Pero kagabi ay may natanggap akong text kay Papa Pilyo.

"Nasa States na pala si Alvin_Fairview nag-email sa akin nakikibalita. Bigay ko ba link ng Engkantadya?"

Pumayag akong ibahagi ang blog.



Si Alvin_Fairview ay matuturing man na kasaysayan subalit ang kanyang legacy ay patuloy na bukambibig ng mga taong kanyang nakasama.

By way of chance and ironic encounters, siya ang tunay na ikalima sa original 5. Kung iisipin, posibleng ang entrance ticket na napunta sa akin ay talagang para sa kanya. Kung hindi sa walk-out dahil sa nabigong pag-ibig ay hindi ako ipapatawag at the last minute.

Wala dapat ako sa Grand Eyeball.

Magprotesta man si Papa Tagay sa pagbuhay ng mga usaping patay na, subalit matapos ang matagumpay na Christmas Party noong nakaraang linggo, tingin ko ay napapanahon na upang balikan ang nakaraan at alalahanin ang mga kasamang dapat sana ay ka-tagay ng tropa.

Naging cameo man ang role ni Alvin_Fairview noong mga araw ko sa G4M, hindi makakailang siya ang  unang eyeball ko sa Walang Mukha Thread. Sa mga panahong naghahanap ako ng sense of belonging, malaking bagay ang kanyang pagpapakita. At kung tama nga ang hinala ko na siya dapat ang nasa spot na aking kinuha, marahil, mas malaki pa ang contribution niya sa paglago ng engkantadya kesa sa aming pagkakaalam.

Hindi man niya matagpuan ang thread at tuluyang maputol man ang aming ugnayan, ang mahalaga ay walang nakakalimot.

Ang kanyang alamat ay habambuhay magiging bahagi ng aming maboteng usapan.




Nosebleed | Star Craft





Here's what happens when Mugen gets drunk and then watches National Geographic on television before going to sleep. In fairness, kahit bangenge ay ti-nype ko pa rin sa notepad ng cellphone ang laman ng utak ko.

Apologies for those who can't relate.


I was watching Nat Geo when I happen to catch a program talking about the end of the universe. The show concludes that the cosmos is expanding and the future is a universe without stars. Matter will decay and atoms get pulled apart by the relentless expansion.

But what if a future alien civilization develops the technology to recreate matter and save the countless stars from burning out? These scientists must have forgotten that the maker makes. What if heavenly bodies, such as pulsars, black holes and planets could be created by sentient beings like us?






Nosebleed? Even I didn't really get what I said. Just the same, its fun to discover your hidden side.




LIFE: avant et après, jour vingt cinq


 Joyeux Noël, its time to go back to work.